Divest With Respect: Tips for Letting Go of Keepsakes
This is a more personal post, as it recalls my time dealing with my own family possessions. My personal history, as I mention in my bio, involves having to empty my mother’s home when she moved into a care home. She was a collector and also had many possessions from her mother, her husband and her son. I went through every single item, each card, postcard, photo and letter. It was a long, sad overwhelming experience. But don’t worry, I am not here to depress you! Here are some things I did that made things easier and lighter for me; lighter on the environment, my conscience and my family.
I had a total of eight garage sales. I didn’t really care how much money I made. I cared more about who acquired the items that meant so much to my mother yet sadly so little to me. Some moments from those sales involved:
A lady who bought my brother’s Dr Seuss lunchbox for her child
A lady that borrowed (I couldn’t sell them after all) my grandmother’s sewing notions to make a jigsaw puzzle, as that was what she did for a living. She ended up giving me a copy of the puzzle.
Some young folks from the University who were part of a business course and were doing that thing where you start off with a paper clip and keep trading up. I think they ended up with some bookshelves. They were lovely people.
Some folks who turned out to be neighbors of mine who bought a ton of my daughter’s clothes for their children.
A friend who helped me was a royalist and loved all things royal. She now has my mother’s teacup from Edward the VIII when he was very briefly king. It meant a lot to her.
What I learnt from these experiences was that taking the time to find the RIGHT home made it easier to let go, and gave me peace of mind when I thought of my mother and what she would have wanted.
My mother collected paper. Really, any paper. From 48 empty Kleenex boxes to every program from every play she ever attended, to every birthday card she ever got. It was overwhelming! I needed a way to make sense of all of it. So an artist friend of mine helped me. He sorted through this pile of memorabilia; photos, maps, tickets, bills, and even report cards. For each of my parents he made me a piece of art. He took these pieces of my parent lives, and put them together to create a digital collage. They are now framed and on my wall. All of a sudden, throwing out all those papers seemed bearable, and I have a unique tribute to both of my parents on my walls. My photo above is the one he did of my father.
I kept what I could, and incorporated it into my family and household, and then I lent pieces of furniture on a permanent basis to friends and family who could use those items. It gives me pleasure to think of my Mum’s blue chair in my girlfriend’s home, and my parents dining room set in another dear friend’s condo. They are loved, they are used, and I can see them if I need to.
Each of these things helped me to feel better about the process. I needed peace of mind more than anything, and taking the time to be thoughtful helped me to show respect to my family and the process of letting go.