When You Can't Sleep
It’s 2AM. I cannot sleep, likely because I had too much caffeine today. Maybe in part because a friend of mine is passing away in the next 24 hours and I am faced with my own mortality. This friend has a young adult child the same age as one of my own, so it is easy to imagine it is me ending my time and leaving my offspring alone in the world.
This friend, like many people, thought there would be more time and consequently left things unfinished. So in my insomnia, I am thinking of all the things that are needed at the end of life to make things tidy for those left behind, and I thought I would share them with you:
Leave a will. I know this is obvious, but many people make wills early in a marriage or when children are born, and then forget about them. As time passes, and families change, it is possibly that your intentions are not the same as they were 20 years ago. So make sure yours is up to date. One strong piece of advice I would have is don’t set up joint executors, as both people will need to be together in front of all the places you need to show the will, and it becomes a logistical nightmare setting up bank appointments, etc. Also, reconsider having a long list of small bequests to relatives and friends. Tell then what you want them to have while you are still alive, or let the executor know your wishes in a separate document. Why? Because every single person named in a will needs to receive a certified copy of the will and the estate cannot be closed until such time as all these bequests are dealt with. So save your executor some work and just tell Aunt Mary she can have the family silver.
If you do bequest special items, make sure that the executor knows where they are. If you say the family silver, do you mean the tea service, the flatware, or both? I was once bequested small items from a relative, and the executor (a lawyer) had to let me know they were unable to find one of the pieces. So if it is important enough to be mentioned in a will make sure everyone knows where and what it is.
Make sure your family or executor knows where all your bank accounts are located, your stocks and bonds, your RRSPs. Is that information easy to find? Is it up to date? Consider having one central location for all this information (See my previous blog post about a service that will set this up for you called Why Plan, Ask Gina).
Do you have relatives scattered across the globe? Make sure their contact information is located somewhere that others can find. My mother was from an era where handwritten letters constantly went back and forth overseas. When she passed, I lost touch with her cousins in Australia and Europe. I had to look up the younger generation on Facebook just to let them know she had passed away. So make sure you leave that information somewhere easy to find.
Also consider those family stories. Do your children know how they are related to all these relatives? Do they know the interesting facts about the great aunts who were in the war or became famous? I am sure you have heard of people as they grow older recording stories onto audiotape for the younger generation. Perhaps consider what stories you want you great grandchildren to know about you and your family.
Clear your clutter. Specifically, your papers. Do you still have Visa statements from 30 years ago when they still came in the mail? Do you have car insurance papers for every car you ever owned? All those notes from high school or university? Trust me, no one wants to have to sort through that stuff after you are gone, and they do have to, just in case there is something important there. When my Mum passed, I went through every single postcard and birthday card she had, which seemed to be her entire life span. It was sad to read them all, and extremely emotionally draining. So consider recycling them while you are still here and save others time and pain.
If you kept love letters from previous beaux, consider whether you want your children to read them. If not, perhaps they can go. Once you are gone, everything you have kept secret is there for other people to find. So if you collect kinky postcards and do not want your children to find them, decide what to do with them long before your time comes!
Similarly, I worked with one lady that gave me her husband’s office supplies to dispose of after he passed away. I opened a box of paperclips only to discover all the rings that belonged to his first wife. So if you have things of value to you, but are hiding them from others, make sure they won’t end up in the garbage when you are gone.
Finally, if it is important for you that your mother’s stamp collection is passed to her old school, or the books go to a certain charity, make sure that is recorded somewhere or consider giving them while you are still able to do it yourself. In the end, you are saving your children the work, which as I said, can be sad and painful. The less you have to leave for them, the easier it will be during a difficult time.
In the end, you want your passing not to be harder on those left behind that it needs to be. Sadly, our mortality can creep up on us when we least expect it. I don’t want you to be kept up at night worrying like I was tonight, and I offer these suggestions from my own experiences. Some of these areas I mentioned I can help with, so if that would ease your mind, you know how to reach me!